when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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