You're my little dorito
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
