Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
