how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
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