So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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