did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Success! We fucked roommates!
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