I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
