those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
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