they need to just BURY HIM!
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
