We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize