brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
you had me at cake vodka
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
