Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
