how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
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