all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
