how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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