it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
he's gonorrhea incarnate
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
