For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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