8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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