I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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