Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
