My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
