so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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