Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
