its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
