so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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