this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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