Fine. I'll sleep in my office
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
