I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize