Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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