Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
