So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
