i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
