It's a beautiful day for a hangover
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
of course. lets lasso hookers.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
