It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
