When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
the liver wants what the liver wants
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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