I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I have fence marks all over my body
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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