he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
