Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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