So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
