Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
