I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
ok first of all what the fuck
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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