nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
