You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
