now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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