so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
