He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
