Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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