This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
