its not stalking. its research.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
