Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
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The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
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Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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