Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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