Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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