I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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