WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
