Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
