I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
