apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
