Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
