I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
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