I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
