it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
