I just pynch a tree in the face
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
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