Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
