all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Randomize
