Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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